Navigating the Mental Load Amidst Political Chaos
There are moments in life that feel so surreal, you almost question whether you're awake.
For moms, this feeling is all too familiar—our days are often a blur of responsibilities. From managing the needs of our children to maintaining relationships, working, keeping up with the household, and somehow finding time for ourselves, we’re often living like double agents, switching between the myriad roles we hold. (Is there such a thing as multi-agent? If not, perhaps there should be. 🥴)
Life is already an intricate balancing act, and for us to pull it off with any sense of ease, we need the external parts of our world to be as steady as possible.
So what happens when the world itself feels unstable? When that foundation of security you depend on seems to crumble in real time?
That is exactly what it feels like right now.
Life feels surreal right now. The political upheaval surrounding us is so intense, it feels disorienting, like the rug has been pulled from under our feet. Many of us know what it’s like to navigate the instability of our personal lives, whether it’s the declining/compromised health of a loved one, a job change, the demands of parenting, the change/loss of housing, and more. Those challenges alone stretch us to the brink. Add in the collective chaos of a world that feels like it’s shifting on its axis, and the mental load can become seemingly unbearable.
When something major happens in the world—especially one that threatens our safety or that of our family—it’s easy to become consumed by it. We can fall prey to the overwhelm of information consumption out of a sense of urgency and hastiness, as if we’re putting out a fire. Alternatively, overwhelm can also cause us to feel ambivalent, even detached or withdrawn. Both of these responses make sense in light of chaos and turmoil, even in the face of incredibly difficult news.
I’ll be honest. I wrestle with both of these sentiments. At times, I just want to tune it all out—the news, the political tension, the overwhelming realization that democracy is being dismantled piece by piece. And other times, I want to put my “normal life” on pause so I can go all in to do my part to save the country, not just for me, but for my kids.
The Reality of It All
The reality is that for many, “normal life” must continue on amidst this chaos. They must continue to take their kids to school, go to work, cook dinner, make doctor’s appointments, do the laundry, etc. Nothing is directly affecting their way of moving through the world (yet), and so politics is just a distraction or sideshow at best.
But for tens of thousands of others, their reality is that normal life is threatened, if not transformed. The lives of thousands of Americans are being terrorized, if not outright dismantled because of this administration. From US government employees unjustly losing their jobs (USFS, NIMH, and ARS, just to name a few) and farmers being at risk for losing their farms, to the threat of 68 million women losing the right to vote and so much more—reality looks different for each and every person in the US these days.
This is a part of the mental load that rarely gets airtime. The mental and emotional effort required to make space for the emotions, the planning, the worry, let alone the energetic investment to make decisions about what we must/can/willing to do is enormously taxing.
But here’s another reality we all must face…
We cannot rely upon our external world to be perfect for us to be ok. Nor can we exhaust ourselves in trying to control all situations/people so that we are ok.
We must accept that we have the responsibility to ourselves and our families to be the calm during the storms. Yes, we will be outraged, hurt, even devastated by the threat or loss of “normal life,” whether our own or that of others. And we won’t always be calm or feel like we have a handle on things. Terrible things happening should make us feel terrible at times. But we can also work to find steadiness within ourselves amidst challenging times in order to help us remember and leverage our agency to manage our own wellbeing.
Creating Boundaries in a World on Fire
The weight of the world is too much for any one of us to carry alone. And all too often, we carry our mental load silently, rarely sharing it with others. We also tend to limit our self expression at times like these, which further exacerbates the anxiety we feel.
That’s where boundaries come in—healthy, necessary boundaries that help us protect our mental and emotional health, even in the face of chaos.
All too often boundaries are seen as an all-or-nothing approach to relationships or things in order to help us maintain our wellbeing. But boundaries can be much more nuanced than that. They should be treated like rules of engagement, where they may ebb and flow depending on need and circumstance.
For example, I feel called to action right now. Not necessarily to fix the world’s problems overnight (because clearly none of us can do that), but to be aware, to get involved, and to stand up for the values that matter to me. It’s a balancing act—being present for our children, keeping our lives running as smoothly as possible, while also recognizing that the world around us needs our attention, too.
And while that motivated part of me wants to go all-in and commit 100% of myself to the cause, it’s unrealistic and unsustainable.
To that end, I commit to being attuned to myself. In the moments where I find part of myself needing or wanting to check-out, I know that I need a break and I honor that need. Focusing solely on my own little bubble, where I can at least feel some semblance of control, is incredibly cathartic and helps me remember that there’s still plenty I can control, not just inside my own head, but within my environment, too.
Taking breaks and focusing on myself and my family doesn’t indicate dereliction. It helps ground and steady me, refueling my stamina so that I can continue advocating for myself and others.
Selfish Reflections
As moms, we often feel like we’re expected to be everything to everyone—to keep everything stable, even when our own foundation feels shaky. But we don’t have to do it all, and we don’t have to be consumed by the weight of the world.
Being "selfish" doesn’t mean shutting the world out completely. It means acknowledging our limits and prioritizing what matters most, without letting fear or the enormity of the problems paralyze us. For me, this means consuming political news in a way that’s measured and mindful. I engage with what’s happening in the world because I want to be informed, but I also protect my wellbeing by not letting it drown me. And when it all feels too overwhelming, I pause, I breathe, and I step back.
For moms who want to stay engaged but don’t know where to start, I’ve gathered some neutral resources to help you stay informed and take action when you're ready. Whether you're advocating for change in your community or just want to stay updated on key issues, having the right tools makes all the difference.
And while things feel dire, I’m heartened by the good work of Democrats and Republicans alike to right this ship. Here are some examples:
Democrats & Republicans United Against Trump (Meta)
Republicans holding their elected officials accountable (Instagram)
It’s important to remember that we don’t have to carry it all. We can be both advocates and caretakers, active in the world and protective of our wellbeing. And when the surreal nature of life starts to weigh heavy, we can choose to be informed while creating boundaries that allow us to still feel grounded.
So, when life feels surreal, give yourself permission to step back, set those boundaries, and remember that you can be both present for your family and involved in the world—without sacrificing your self in the process. It's about finding that delicate balance between caring for our inner world while doing our part to influence the external one.
For more on navigating uncertainty, you can read my previous blog post Navigating Uncertain Times: Two Steps to Create Calm.
